Of all the human feelings for a person to process, I believe that grief is the most challenging. Grief is a shattering of expectations. A swimming abyss where a person scrambles to make meaning. Unfortunately, grief is the least talked about of human emotions.
Grief results when a loved one dies or when a relationship ends. A pregnant state of confusion, fear, despair, and loss begging to be reconciled. We have psychology, religion, and philosophy, three disciplines to help us to make meaning of a feeling that to the rational mind “should” make sense, yet grief hits us from an irrational stance and connects us to our true aloneness.
In a recent meditation I was visited by this dear friend. I say friend because I have met her many times in the past for many different reasons. Each previous time grappling with her, pleading with her to teach me the lesson of “why did this happen to me?” In hindsight, an incredibly narcissistic stance believing that this could happen to me. I of course, had been speaking to the particular event. And in doing so, locking myself into being a victim. A victim of circumstance. This visit, however, was different.
As I sat in meditation, doing my best to stay focused on the energy that I call grief, a small voice spoke giving me the philosopher’s stone that Carl Jung so brilliantly brought forth in his teachings. “What if grief is just a feeling to be felt and not understood?” Like a bolt of lightening it registered. Meaning was pointless. Regardless of meaning, the feeling was there. The feeling didn’t need meaning, I as the ego was mischievously seeking something to move me from the grief rather than through it. Grief was not meant to be defined by meaning. Meaning only helped to distract me from its beautiful passing. Creating meaning only set me up for the next time she visited when a new meaning would need to be created. In this moment, I was with her and I was no longer alone.
A meditation epilogue of sorts hit me a short time later. Grief is the energy of the soul which cries the loudest to be heard. A powerful beacon that from one perspective is quite terrifying. From another, however, it is quite purposeful in that it brings the conscious mind back to reflection upon a deeper sense of self. And maybe that aloneness that one feels in the deepness of grief is just the path, an opening for a return to a person’s connection with their true self. I chuckle at my realization because regardless, grief sure can be loud sometimes….but maybe that’s the point.