I’ve had an interesting morning. Somewhere between dropping off the dog at her play date, weaving in and out of LA traffic, and arriving at a job where I get to be of maximum service, I had the opportunity to hit play on Byron Katie’s Loving What Is.
Now normally I like to think I’ve graduated to more complicated self help or self awareness pieces, like Stephen Wolinsky’s Rays of the Absolute; you know those ones where you sometimes find yourself hitting the pause-rewind button while quietly saying to yourself, “What?!” (Ego’s Note: I do eventually get the concepts). But for whatever reason, Katie’s soothing, compassionate voice was calling me today – glad I listened to that intuitive sense.
I hit play on a random track. It was about attachment to one’s thoughts (I kinda think the whole book is about that but this one was especially focused) and how suffering comes not from the thoughts, but rather from our attachment to them. Comparing thoughts to clouds in an empty sky, Katie reflects on how, if a person can allow a non-attached state in relation to those thoughts, they will pass.
Ok, so if you are anything like me, you know how life works. Or at least you think you do. I have a whole virtual book inside this 30-something head of mine that knows everything you can know about life, death, relationships, love, and god (lower case intended). The only problem is that I don’t know if I’m right – HA!
Look, I’m just as terrified as the next guy when it comes to well, basically everything. And the reason for this terror is because for whatever reason the world, creation really, has decided that it’s going to do its own thing regardless of my playbook. So what really needs to change? Well of course, me.
So here’s the meditation part (apologies for the long set up).
Sitting down this morning, binaural beats in both ears with a somewhat pungent candle lit next to me, I opted to sit in the big comfy chair (thank goodness a while ago my ego gave up trying to “sit properly”).
It took me a little bit to unwind and drop in seeing that I had already spent quite a bit of time planning out how the day was going to go. When I finally did, with Katie’s message unconsciously in my awareness, what I found was precious.
To try to describe it would not only open it up for opinion but also counter-expose the experience to the lesson I came away with from this morning’s journey.
Like Katie’s gentle voice coming through the speakers, I realized how much I consciously and unconsciously seek other people’s validation, as if their playbook is any more valid or correct for that matter, than mine. And while I frame it up as “getting their perspective,” what I’m really doing is asking them to sign off on me.
So what is perspective? In this moment it feels like the instigation of my rules and a lock down on an experience being anything else other than my perspective. And when I’m getting someone else’s? What are they actually giving me perspective of!? That’s for you to decide. I certainly had a nice wake up call and intend to spend the next 30+ years (one day at a time) creating a more conscious relationship with that thing I call creation (aka focusing on that internal relationship to be my perspective), even though I don’t know if that’s what it actually is.
Point is, meditate. Create that relationship with your self. Actually don’t create it, be it.