The words ouch or ouching are terms I use to describe the pain we experience when our feelings are hurt or our boundaries violated by another person. Usually, our normal response to when we are ouched depends upon what we learn from our friends, or by observing others, or by what we were told at home and at school was the right way to do it; our responses are normally dictated by our secretly held self-beliefs. For example; to be seen and not heard, that we are not entitled to our feelings, that we are wrong or supposed to be invisible.
However, by using self-reflecting practices like meditation and asking to be able to access and use our inner-voice, the courage to be more authentic can bring us to a new “normal.” A new way of communicating with others (and ourselves) where we don’t have to feel victimized.
When working with people who have difficulty expressing their authenticity, I advocate the use of their authentic voice appropriately. When ouched saying, “Ouch that hurt my feelings.” And when ouching others, “I’m so sorry I was wrong.” To not do so, can result in a person acting out. Possibly even lashing out, using physical behavior or being passive aggressive and waiting, silently thinking, “I’ll get you back” or “I’ll show you.”
Using meditation, one takes good and loving care of oneself. By connecting to one’s feelings and authentic voice, a person begins to change their sometimes deeply entrenched definition of normal.
What most people don’t realize is that when we’ve connected to our authentic selves, the requests are a win-win victory. Whether a person is told to “suck it up” or an expressive dialogue ensues, we’ve handled a situation in the moment, sanely and civilly which only helps to bolster our own feelings of self worth and self esteem.
Beverly Iser is a Los Angeles based life coach, meditation instructor, and grandmother who has been helping people for over 30 years with ways in which to lead happier and healthier lives. For more information, visit http://whattayouthink.blogspot.com/